Inoue's kitchen A pregnant woman's paradise
by Animaddie
Summary: Just a bit of a Comedy about a pregnant Rukia and Orihime. IshiHime and IchiRuki  Bit of RenjiXJackie and ChadTats  Not sure whether I'll carry it on or not yet, hope you enjoy it anyway :  T Only for Sex references xD
1. Chapter 1

Inoue's Kitchen; A Pregnant Woman's Paradise

Okay, another story, randomly thought of this as I was coming home from college this evening (I just kept imagining a pregnant Rukia and Orihime running round two exhausted Uryuu and Ichigo, anyways, hope you enjoy :)

Disclaimer - I don't own Bleach or the Characters Go-Kubo does ;)

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><p>Kurosaki Ichigo: 23 Years of Age<p>

Kurosaki Kuchiki Rukia: 24 years of (Human) Age

Ishida Uryuu: 24 Years of Age

Ishida Inoue Orihime: 24 Years of Age

A twenty-three year old Ichigo looked up at the doors to his clinic tapping his pen absentmindedly on the desk as he remembered the day his world changed. Seven years ago a short raven-haired girl walked through his wall and with her, his new life, a life filled with monsters, Evil, and annoying little midgets (but of course he did _not complain_). He smirked, it was weird for him to think that five years ago, only two after he met the woman, (and five months of actually knowing her) he would be craving her touch, smell, even the sight of her, just once more so he could tell her what he should of told her the day they said goodbye. Of course, that didn't matter now though, after those two years had passed, he found himself by her side once again, and three years later, he popped the question. Now she was six months pregnant, with his child. He couldn't be more contented if he tried.

Ishida Uryuu looked to his left at his wife pottering around the house, proudly sporting her baby-bump, a sure coincidence he thought, that right on the day 'Hime found herself pregnant Ichigo and Rukia burst through his door hugging the two of them announcing their own pregnancy. Then again, he thought, with the closeness that Rukia and Orihime were, he wouldn't be surprised if they gave birth, got pregnant again, and died all on the same day as each other. He smirked and faced forward again, things could change a lot in five years.

The Kurosaki's and Ishida's had grown into a very close camaraderie over the past five years, both Ichigo and Uryuu were Best Man at each other's weddings (Renji was Chad's and Chad was to be Renji's soon) Uryuu had been the only witness to a tearful Ichigo as Rukia walked up the aisle and Ichigo had been the one to push Uryuu into finally getting the girl of his dreams. All in all they were very close, but I haven't even got started on their _wives_.

Rukia Kuchiki and Orihime Inoue were probably the two women you'd least expect to ever get married, not because they weren't sought after or womanly, but because of their discrepancy to pretty-much every other woman on the planet. Inoue for one could not cook _whatsoever,_ it wasn't that she didn't like it, but more because she had the strangest taste-buds known to man, it didn't stop her nevertheless, opening her own very successful café (she still, had no idea why only ever seemingly pregnant women were the ones to occupy it). And Rukia Kuchiki was just one of those women you would expect to be wed off to some ignorant noble fool and never be seen of again, or something. Of course it surprised the both of her and her husband, when her brother proudly accepted Ichigo to be her husband (They later concluded that maybe it was down to Ichigo's resolve to him, and the memories of his own marriage that he accepted it so willingly). The couples were not, however, without their difficulties; both the men had pretty much followed exactly in the footsteps of their fathers (although they would never explain it like that). Ichigo had now opened his own 'Kurosaki clinic' in the next town, and Uryuu was pretty much the second owner of his father's hospital. Ironically it was the two women who dabbled in the more dangerous antics of their lives. Not that their husbands approved, but even they couldn't deny, what with both the women's promotions to the two captains of a new Squad centred only in the living world, the girls were powerful. With there being only one squad for the living world, and two captains (and two Vice's) for it, both specialized in different departments; Rukia had the fighters, consistent of mainly powerful Kido users, and determined, but not always overtly-strong, fighters – there were no Kenpachi tycoons in _her _squad thank you very much – and Orihime had the Healers, consistent of pure hearts, strong wills and powerful healing abilities. Of course with the immensely legendary move by soul society and super-strong element of feminism in their squad, every female Shinigami-in-training wanted to be in their squad. That didn't however mean that the squad was any weaker, in fact, it was the fourth-strongest behind One, Eight and Six, _oh yes _that 'prissy' Kido using, healing, mainly female, Fourteenth squad was more powerful than squad eleven. With Tatsuki as Orihime's vice and Jackie as Rukia's how could it not be? (Unohana-taicho was just on a different league altogether – it was becoming evident that she might very-well be the one who would take over the Seretei after the old-man snuffed it)

Naturally, now that both captains were heavily pregnant the roles were going to have to shift a bit, while the Seretei had nothing against pregnant Captains, it was just a hassle to get to temporary replacements, so that's where their husbands came in again. Ichigo and Uryuu (Under the watchful eye of Rukia and Orihime) had taken the more demanding aspects of their jobs. Ichigo had taken over the fun parts of Rukia's job (something she constantly berated him for when she had one of her mood-swings) which consisted of the fighting, scoping and all-around dangerous parts of her post while she was stuck with the paperwork. And Uryuu pretty much served Orihime as a travel device, and (in simpler terms) blood-donor to her Reiatsu – the boys figured the less Reiatsu the girls emitted, the safer of they would be, so while Orihime still healed her patients, she used Uryuu's Reiatsu to do so (unwillingly at that – she felt bad considering how much he had to exhaust) that didn't necessarily mean they weren't as busy. While Uryuu took over Orihime's paperwork, the girls in their scarce spare time took over the Kurosaki clinic, now along with Karin and Yuzu – they had decided to come over and help out their brother and Sister-in-law for a few months as Isshin had insisted they go to help out his third-daughter in fear of his precious grandchild's health if Rukia strained too much, and therefore ran the Karakura clinic by himself and Ururu - she had needed to get away from boisterous men, and opted for the Kurosaki – She knew she could beat him up if needs be.

Anyway, back on to the story.

"_I'm just a little bit caught in the mi_-oh Rukia!" Orihime bustled as she saw her best friend (sister would be a more accurate term for the two really) walking down the street happily to the bus-stop. Rukia saw Orihime and waved as she padded over swiftly.

"Hey 'Hime, are you catching the bus too?" she smiled as the two walked forward side-by-side.

"Yup, just off to buy some extra ingredients for tonight's dinner, you're both still coming right?" She pondered. Rukia laughed.

"Of course" her eyes twinkled mischievously "Are you going to tell me what we're having now? Ichigo's not here" Orihime just looked at her, laughing nervously

"Now, Ruu, you can't just expect me to tell you just like that!" She pointed forward grinning "You'll just have to trust my skill in cooking!" She finished chirpily. Normally this would be where Rukia would lie and carry on begging, but she found recently, that she had developed quite a taste for Orihime's ludicrous cooking. So now;

"Hmph" she pouted as they reached the stop and ceased "fine, as long as it's got peanut butter and Chocolate mixed in the savoury somewhere I'll be happy" she smiled up at Orihime who grinned, then pointed a finger to her chin

"Oh don't worry it will, I'm glad your taste-buds are still normal at least, I mean, look at me!" She juddered back a little "Carrot and Courgette soup; are you mad? This pregnancy's doing strange things to my palate I tell you, even Uryuu noticed the difference! What kind of madness is this?" she exclaimed. Rukia sweat dropped a little; if it were anyone else Rukia would think they were just being sarcastic or mocking. But it _was_ strange what was happening with Orihime's taste-buds, some would even go as far to say, she shuddered, they'd turned normal.

She carried on pondering the strangeness of Orihime's situation as the bus rolled in, snapping out of it as they got on and stood when, randomly, two men stood and offered their seats. For a fleeting moment Rukia wondered to kick them for their insolence – they were perfectly capable of standing, but then she realised as the men smiled and gestured toward their seats, that they had ultimately seen their baby-bumps and decided to be polite. The girls both blushed profusely as they thanked the men repeatedly and took the seats.

"No problem!" Rukia's seat-man smiled as he watched them "How far are you ladies along?" Both the girls turned to each other and giggled, as they looked back at the men, speaking simultaneously

"Exactly six months today" The man looked taken aback

"Both of you?"

"Yup, exactly the same" the girls' smiles widened.

"No kidding" the man replied, shocked at the synchronisation. An Old woman to the side of them giggled slightly and the men and girls heads turned towards her as the bus carried on trundling down the road.

"You know that wasn't so uncommon in my day, a lot of the time we'd find we'd even give birth on the same day too" both Rukia and Orihime stifled a giggle – back in the woman's day, Rukia probably looked about fifteen, then they realised what she said.

"You mean, me and 'Hime could have twin-babies? Rukia's eyes widened as she turned to Orihime who was smiling, she laughed.

"Well I'll be-Oof!" She rubbed her inflated tummy as the man who had given her his seat, moved forward slightly, a hand outstretched, with worried eyes.

"Are you alright?" Rukia looked up at him, confused.

"Yeah, why?" She answered, raising an eyebrow slightly, the man answered

"You said 'Oof'" Orihime, Rukia and The Old Woman laughed, as the old woman said;

"Oh, I wish I were still able to have that" and Rukia replied to the man;

"The baby's kicking is all, just as feisty as his father" She smiled up fondly thinking of her husband. The man relaxed and smiled too, asking the both of them

"So do you know the sexes?"

"Not yet, but we're both hoping they will be opposite so they can grow-up together, fall in love, get married, and have children of their own!" Orihime replied, a slight far-away grin to her face, as Rukia laughed,

"We'll be doomed whoever has the girl, I can just imagine their father's being so over-protective!" the Old woman laughed again, as the man nodded and answered

"I could understand that" The bus trundled to a stop and the girls looked through the window getting up

"Well, this is our stop, nice meeting you all!" They both smiled, while the men offered their hands.

"Thank you" The girls replied, taking their hands and getting up. They waved at the Old lady and Men, said Thanks to the bus-driver and got off, the bus only setting off when they were both safely a few steps down the pavement. They walked along the pavement chatting absentmindedly as they reached the high street (There was a lovely little farmers-stall where both the women got their ingredients from for the dishes) when all-of-a-sudden they both squealed noses pressed to a glass window both peering at the same thing

"BABY-BOOTIES!" They both shout-squealed and suddenly Orihime turned to Rukia anime-tears flowing down her face,

"I only have enough money on me for the food!" Rukia grabbed her purse a determined/mischievous expression gracing her face

"It's okay! I have Ichigo's debit card!" She exclaimed, grabbing Orihime's arm and dragging her into the shop.

A few miles away at the Kurosaki house;

"Why do I feel a sudden foreboding empty kind-of feeling?" He pondered out loud as Uryuu placed two mugs of tea on the coffee table in front of him (They had both just finished work and decided to have a brew together). Ishida sat down on the armchair at the side of him.

"I believe" He answered, pushing his glasses up his nose "that is the sensation we get when our wives decide to buy something from our account." Ichigo huffed into his cup.

"Damn woman, not going to have any money left" he muttered. On the contrary, Rukia's captain salary alone would keep them alive and healthy for the rest of their life, added with his Doctor salary and Rukia's inheritance, they could probably own about three mansions easily; of course the two however lived for the small moments in life and opted for a nice homey little detached house in a rural-ish area. Perfect for the two, needlessly to say, Ichigo knew all of this but never minded to have a moment to complain about his wife when she wasn't there, like a true _man_. Ishida and Orihime were of the same monetary equivalence but much like their nakama, had opted for a nice small little house not far from the Kurosaki's. Uryuu slurped into his mug

"So, when was the last time for you?"

"Last time for me what?" Ichigo replied raising a scowling eyebrow as he too drank his tea

"You know . . ."

"Know . . .?"

Uryuu's eyebrow twitched as he set down his now empty cup

"Stop playing the idiot, you know exactly what I mean!" Ichigo just scowled questioningly (is that even possible?) at him

"_Know what?"_ He emphasised, then taking the rest of the dregs of tea into his mouth

"HAD _YOU-KNOW-WHAT_ WITH RUKIA?" Uryuu yelled, slamming his fists on the arms of the chair. Ichigo just spurted out the rest of his drink turning a furious red instantly.  
>"WHAT THE HELL? SINCE WHEN DO <em>YOU<em> ASK _THAT_?" He replied, slamming his mug onto the now tea-and-spit covered coffee table.

"Since I haven't from a month after we found out. Just wondered if it was normal" he huffed, taking off his glasses and cleaning them furiously, avoiding Ichigo's gaze.

"Ha! You haven't had it since then? Looser" he sniggered, Uryuu's fists clenched

"Go on then smart-arse, when was the last time _you_ had it?" Seeing a very slight tinge of worry in his friends eyes, Ichigo reddened and turned to the side avoiding his best-friends gaze

"Since a month after we found out too" he replied. Ishida, exhaled, relieved and annoyed as he put his glasses back on.  
>"I don't get this, I though pregnant women were supposed to be more . . . you know . . . wanting . . . of it." Ichigo just turned back, and crossed his arms again.<p>

"I thought so too, but since when have _our_ wives been normal?" he offered. Ishida just shook his head,

"What are we gonna do?"

"Rush through dinner tonight, make them go upstairs and have a bath, and while doing so make everything as _inviting_ as possible?" Ichigo pondered. Ishida leant forward, offering out his hand.

"Deal."

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><p>Okay, what did you think? carry on or leave - Thinking of maybe carrying on if I get more motivation, love the idea of pregnant Rukia and Orihime having to deal with Ishida and Ichigo and Vice versa. OH! And the song Orihime was singinghumming was 'The Show by Lenka' :) hope you enjoyed x


	2. Chapter 2

Wow guys, Thanks! :D ChocolateBeth, IshiOri27, Zangetsu50, HmmmmLOVE, 2coolforyou, Ichirukilullaby, KawaiiStrawberryChappy, MissAletory . I think there's more but stupidly I deleted all my emails so I couldn't update this *facepalm* But To the rest that did, THANK YOU! – Thanks for the reviews and Story adds :D It means a lot :D Gomenesai on the lateness, college get's you when you're not looking XD *Random note to be added to the bottom of the story: HARRY POTTER BABY GROWs'! They EXIST!

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><p>"Ahhh, so cute!" An elated, heart-filled-eyed, Orihime held out a creamy-yellow baby-grow as Rukia set down a mug of Hot Chocolate on the coffee table in front of her and slumped down on the settee, enveloping her in squishiness.<p>

"Ahhhhhh . . . Feet . . . Swollen . . ." Was all Orihime could comprehend from her best friend as she turned to face her, grabbing her mug watching as Rukia winced, sitting down, and then sighed in relief when her feet came off the floor.

"Get Ichigo to rub them? Ishida does mine just before we go to bed, it's a nice relief, I'll tell you that" she smiled. Rukia glanced at her face and smirked, slurping some Hot Chocolate before replying

"Heh, and admit defeat? No way 'Hime, I'm going to, do my Paperwork, sort out the clinic, help out you in the cafe, spar with my brother, help Jackie with the wedding AND kick Ichigo's arse until at LEAST eight months!" A fire suddenly blazed in her eyes as Orihime just looked at her in astonishment – confused to the sudden reaction of her friend, not so much the list of work (she had to do similar errands and despite not looking it, was as stubborn as Rukia).

"That stupid moron bet that I wouldn't last seven months! If it wasn't for him and his bloody morals I would still be fighting! Stupid hypocrite!" her fist pumped into the air madly and Orihime sweat dropped;

'_Isn't the purpose of married life to share a burden on each other, AND gain happiness? Oy Vey Rukiaa . . .' _

"Damn man '_Let me do the fun stuff and take over your happiness with the seed of my fruit'_ yeah, whatever st-pft-MORON!" Rukia slammed her mug down on the coffee table muttering to herself about having an incapable husband. Orihime Sweat dropped yet again

'Er, actually, it's _Fruit of my loins_ Ruu' She exhaled and looked at the clock; it seemed Rukia's routinely Two-O'clock mood-swing had arrived once again. She heard the door click.

'Oh _no_'

"I'm hooome seexx-BUH" A swollen foot landed in his face crushing his teeth into his nose. He grabbed his chin and yelled at the woman (Who again was wincing thanks to a full-on face plant with sore feet) fumbled before him, fuming.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR _WOMAN_?" Rukia just grabbed his collar and glared, waves rolling off her presence, Ichigo felt the need to step back some, too bad his wife's hands had the grip of a vice on a rocket.

"YOU! It's ALL YOUR Fault! You and your BLOODY _BEES_! NEXT TIME GO IMPREGN-UMPH!" A strong hand glomped over her mouth and she was quickly swept off her feet – literally. A fairly harassed-looking Ichigo turned to face Orihime, who was sat, rather relaxed, on the sofa casually watching the battle in front of her, Rukia (Punching and hitting him) swinging from under his arm (Like when he lobbed her at Renji).

"Hey, Orihime, don't worry 'bout this, I've got her, I think Ish-Uryuu was looking for you before" he smiled and continued past the room she was in, walking towards the kitchen door. She nodded at him, stood up gingerly, waddled to the door and let herself out once he was out-of-sight.

'I swear . . . that couple . . .'

Ichigo heard the click of the door, and opened a cupboard looking for a snack, Rukia still swinging – but now shushed with her arms clamped by her sides – under his arm.

"Ugh, where did the darn thing go? He looked down at the death-glare that was staring at him

"Where are they?"

The death-glare raised an eyebrow

"You know exactly what I'm on about, c'mon, where are all the Gherkins?" he scowled, and the death-glare turned slightly smug, answering his question

"You ATE them!" Another smug glare

"_ALL OF THEM_?" he stared incredulously "I only bought them Yesterday!" the Glare just stared back as if to point out something obvious.

"Shut-up. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you can go around stealing my Gherkins." He huffed, and began searching through the cupboards again when he heard a stifled giggle. He looked down and raised an eyebrow at his, still trapped, mouth-glomped, wife. (His arm was in quite the strange position, if he wasn't as strong as he was, he probably would have dropped her) She prised his hand off her face, a mischievous grin flashed quickly across her face and then settled again.

"I believe, _husband_, you were the one who offered me your Gherkins in the first place" A playful edge to her voice and a sparkle in her eye told him she wasn't talking about the one's you find in brine. Something clicked in his mind and it raced back to his conversation with Uryuu earlier. He grinned.

"You didn't _have _to take them you know, you could've easily . . ." he bent down and leaned in closer to her face (Yup, it was a weird sight) "Just said _no_" he raised an eyebrow and grinned at his wife eyes burning. She retorted just as se-sarcastically (wink)

"How could I decline such a, _generous_, offer?" Ichigo grinned more – it had been a while since she had continued the banter – he wasn't going to let it slide now, dinner or no dinner – _'Ishida would understand'_, he determined. He shifted her slightly in his grip

"_Generous offer,_ eh? I thought it was you who wanted them in the first place?" He smirked. She grinned mischievously back up at him again. He felt his heartbeat begin to speed up. _'Goddamnit!_' He thought, _'Already?_' He cunningly shifted her away from that _particular area_ so she wouldn't notice any-_thing_. Rukia grinned, staring into his eyes, stretching up to reach his face. (Not missing him shifting her)

"Hey husband. . ." her eyes glinted, hooding slightly "let's go . . . elsewhere . . ." She stretched up far and kissed him. That was all it took, in a flash she was suddenly completely facing her husband, him holding her up against his body as the stairs rushed by in a flash, kissing her back all the while, the door nearly got kicked off its hinges, and only a moment later swung shut against the frame . . .

2 Hours later

Rukia was sat up in bed, sheets tossed around, propped against some pillows with one hand holding an open book (Chicken Soup For A Woman's Soul), and the other absent-mindedly playing with her husband's hair as he lay face-down further down the bed (He'd crashed out about 20 minutes ago) a soft expression gracing his face. Rukia's eyes flicked to him as he sighed happily in his sleep, she smiled

"Sorry for making you wait for so long" she flicked back to her book, not expecting the soft

"I'm happy to"

that followed. She glanced back down to meet a pair of soft brown eyes and a gentle smile. She smiled back, still playing with his hair and then glanced at the clock on the wall

"It appears we have half-an-hour to get ready for 'Hime's".

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><p>Sorry on the lateness, and the half-fineshedness of it - Uploading so you know it's not dead and Iv'e done away with it. I've wrote a bit more to be added, but I thought I'd upload this seeing as I had put up another story today. Again, Apologies.<p> 


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